Tons of cheeses have really weird names, many of which are in other languages. This leads to lots of very fine people completely butchering the pronunciations. One of the unspoken talents of every cheesemonger is the ability to understand which cheese someone is requesting. Without giggling.
Here is a list of some of our favorite (and most common) mispronunciations from the cheese counter. I recommend reading it aloud to get the full effect.
10. Manchego [mahn-CHAY-go] –> “muh-CHANG-oh”
9. Tete de Moines [tet-deh-mwah] –>”titty-moan”
8. d’Affinois [DAFF-in-WAH] –> “daffi-noise”
7. Ewe’s Blue [yooz-bloo] –> “ooey-bloo”
6. Belletoile [bell-eh-twahl] –> “belly-toil”
5. Camembert [CAM-um-BEHR] –> “CAM-um-BURT”
4. Morbier [mor-bee-YAY] –> “more-BEER”
3. Livarot [leev-ah-ro] –> “live-ROT”
2. Asiago [ah-see-AH-go] –> “ah-SA-gio”
1. Gjetost [YAY-tost]–> “G… J… uh nevermind”
Welcome to the Top 10 List of Cheese Accompaniments. Some of these will be familiar, but we also threw in a few that you might not think of.
10. A fresh, crusty baguette: Fresh is the key here. If it was baked yesterday, it’s not fresh.
9. A mustache: Honestly, mustaches are everywhere these days. Why not on your cheese?
8. Fresh figs: ‘Tis the season for these lovely jewels to be flooding the market. If you really want to work the theme, also acquire some fig leaves and host your party dressed as Adam and Eve. It’s a win/win.
7. Brad Pitt: Because the only thing better than eating cheese is eating cheese with Brad Pitt, obviously.
6. Quince paste: Classic. European. A transformative experience.
5. Raisin walnut bread: Sweet and crunchy. Every creamy cheese has a poster of raisin walnut bread on its wall, a la David Cassidy.
4. Cornichons: Little tiny pickles which are not only delightfully sour, but totally adorable. An added benefit: your male guests will have fun trading tiny-pickle-related insults, if you catch my drift.
3. Honey: Not just because it’s sweet, but because the way it’s made is kinda gross, just like cheese.
2. A nice, energetic cicada: Gives you that intense crunch and a “wiggly quality” that most jams just can’t achieve. Plus, they’re local.
1. Nothing at all: Cheese needs no adornment in order to be the world’s perfect food, right?????
Welcome to our inaugural Top 10 List! I thought I was starting with an easy one, but the loving cheesiness could not be contained and it took forever to pare down the original list. I dare you not to sing along…
10. Total Eclipse of the Challerhocker – Bonnie Tyler
9. Morbier Than a Feeling – Boston
8. I’ll Brie there for You – Bon Jovi
7. You’re the First, the Last, My Emmenthaler – Barry White
6. Raclette’s Get It On – Marvin Gaye
5. Because you loved Mimolette – Celine Dion
4. I Just Called to Valencay I Love You – Stevie Wonder
3. You Give Gouda Love – Whitney Houston
2. Nights in White Stilton – Moody Blues
1. When a Manchego Loves a Woman – Percy Sledge
Honorable Mention has to go to “Melt With You” by Modern English, because even without altering the title, it’s cheese-tastic!
[List created by Jill Erber, Cheese Lady – Cheesetique]